Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
