I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
