didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no, he came in my armpit
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
