Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
