hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He felt like a one man threesome
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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