We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
