I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
