i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
