I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
