she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
