I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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