Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
