Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
