All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think i have two assholes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
