I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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