I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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