Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
