Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have fence marks all over my body
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
