you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
