i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
