Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
