Just took my morning after pill in the library
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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