I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just googled if crying burns calories
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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