well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
