using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
