Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
