she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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