Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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