I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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