is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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