my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."