Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
