There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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