Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
