you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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