I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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