I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
