A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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