I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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