So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
