I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
