Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
