I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
