I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am one with the molecules
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
