his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
