My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
