nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize