The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize