you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
