that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize