so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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