she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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