Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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