He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
