I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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