some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i came on her dog
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
