butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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