This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
