OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
