Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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