____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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