Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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