i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm really busy with my period
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