Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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