Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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