sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
