I can tuck mytits in my pants
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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