remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
