People with herpes should wear stickers.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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