my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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