I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
