I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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