there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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