but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
