saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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