I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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