im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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