While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize