Nicole vs. Life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
