Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
