The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
