He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
