I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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